Depression is a Thief
When we bought our house a year ago I recall how grateful I was to have a big yard. Mostly because I'd been living the apartment-life and was beyond excited to not have neighbors all up in my business. Blaze took it as a sign that we needed a riding lawn mower (and lovingly named it Hot Rod because we name everything at our house). One day, before the misquotes came to take over and I could still go outside without fear of West Nile, I was walking around the yard and noticed some weeds. I picked a few, and a few more, and a few more, and then realized the whole damn yard was full of them! How did this happen? We've been so diligent about treating and tending to the yard only to find a slow moving, but ferocious, weed had invaded and was taking over.
That's kinda how Depression works.
Depression is a Thief
Depression slowly slips through cracks you didn't even know you had and raids your mind and your heart of intangible, yet priceless areas of your life. It never looks the same but it always steals. Depression steals things that you don't even think about until you're swallowed under a dark, heavy cloud and trying to figure out how the heck you got there in the first place. Where did all these weeds come from?
Here are just a few things Depression stole from me:
Energy
Appetite
Time
Health
Safety
Money
Hope
Joy
Happiness
Excitement
Connections
Personality
Friends
Family
Relationships
Of this list, the one that has been hardest for me to regain is my safety. There was a time when I simply wasn't safe. Literally and figuratively. I began to guard every aspect of my life causing massive anxiety. Stress and overwhelm were fueled by a sense that I had lost complete control of myself and my life. Meanwhile I was a master at the illusion that I was happy, calm, and totally had my shit together when what I really wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs I don't know how this happened, PLEASE. HELP. ME.
When the "weeds" of Depression and Anxiety have taken over and robbed you of priceless things you must come to terms with a couple of things.
First, you can't possibly pull every weed all at the same time. It's a process. Working through the pain and reclaiming your life takes time. Work with professionals, reach out to trusted friends and family for their support, and most importantly, don't let the shame build in the dark. Statistically speaking, there's a high probability someone you know is battling this too.
Second, there is no magic trick and there is no perfect fix - but there also is NO DEADLINE. One step at a time, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. You'll get there. Stay the course.
Third, hear me when I tell you: This is NOT stronger than you. It is a battle to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions but YOU HAVE THE POWER. You my friend, are one badass MoFo.
Don't let depression or anxiety steal more than it already has. If you need help in your battle I'm here.
xo Erika